Long Time No Post 2014 in a Nutshell

So I haven't been as diligent as I would have liked when I began this.  BUT!  I don't give up so I'm stopping by for a little catch-up.  

Let me continue to be honest about this whole thing.

1.  It is not easy.

2.  It is not easy.

3.  It is worth it.

4.  It is not easy.

5.  My weight-loss slowed a bit last February,  and then again in November.  I'm not complaining, just letting folks out there know it's not all roses and sunshine up in here. I have lost a total of 168 pounds to date.  Slow loss is still loss.  I am more comfortable in the body I have now than I have ever been in my life.  i am so much more able to DO, and BE--this is a win in my book.

6.  I have had a few fails.  Okay, let me clarify, not complete fails, but I could have made better   choices.  But really, I should have been making these better choices all of my life, learning new habits is not easy, and it's not always comfortable.  I'm still managing those feelings in real-time, and learning how to handle the challenges that arise.

7.  I have actually had a few conversations with myself about what I am eating, or planning for my meals where I actually have to remind myself to make the better choice.  I find I have a harder time when I am having a lazy day, relaxing, or just generally not really doing anything.  I fall back into that "eat 'cause I'm bored" pattern.  This is a continual struggle.  Planning my day, having a purpose, and daily goals has helped me immensely in this area. 

8.  I have been having a better time at listening to my body and not my head.  I think I am really starting to figure out what it feels like to be hungry, and/or satiated.  This is a really big deal.  Really big.


So, what have I been up to Since December 2013 you ask?


Here goes...

January

Began my second semester of grad school, I am studying for my Master of Science, Art Therapy and Counseling degree.  This IS gonna happen!

February

Spent lots of time on dates with my Stone Cold Fox.

 March

Ran my first race ever...  Monument 10K in Richmond, VA

April

Made lots of art

May

Finished my semester and celebrated, traveled to ATL and FL

 

June

Traveled to and through CT, MA, VT, NY, MI, dropped lots of Free Art Surprises, hiked with my honey, built cairns, and attended an awesome painting workshop.

 

July

Hiking, Hiking, Hiking, mountain biking (and lots of falls!), I also started running regularly and doing kettle bell workouts! Traveled to NC for a super fun wedding, and generally began challenging my body beyond anything I had ever done.

August

Lots more running, hiking, the WORST canoe trip EVER, a free public interactive art installation, and internship and classes started back up too!
 

September

My birthday celebrated with a 5 mile Muderella Mud Run, a little hiking, internship, more running, plus, my capstone project got into full-swing.

October
Camping trip in VT so I could attend another painting workshop, hiking, running, a halloween 5k, trip to visit Gramma, pumpkin painting party, Jayhawks concert and an Amy Schumer show.

November

I ran, and completed my FIRST HALF-MARATHON!  I NEVER could have done this 16 months earlier.  This was the most insane accomplishment to date.  I don't know what else happened this month...or this is all that really matters in this journey...

December

Finished out my semester, celebrated lots with friends and family, did some running, and reflected on the last year while setting goals for 2015!  Oh!  and I may have run my SECOND HALF-MARATHON! whaaaaaat?  yup.

 

Happy day folks!  Looking forward to sharing more in 2015!

Post-op 5 months + 15 days

Hello there friends!  I has been a long time since I’ve checked in here…but that doesn’t mean anything other than I have been B-U-S-Y finishing my first semester of grad school.  And I made it out alive!  Better than alive really.  I thrived this semester in ways I hadn’t in a long time.

Onward!  My progress has been great so far as far as my doctor is concerned I’m doing really well.  This makes me very happy.   I think I'm doing pretty great too!

 

Drum Roll please… to date I have lost 117 pounds.

WHAT IS THAT??  That’s crazy really.

It’s great, but it’s crazy too.

5 months out from surgery and my brain is still trying to keep up.  I’m doing better, but it is still a struggle to see myself as I am.  Here’s the problem.  I don’t feel like I look any different, but I do ( I mean maybe I do a little bit seeing as though I chopped my hair off and bleached the shit out of it—love it!).  The thing is-- MY BRAIN is telling me “This is what you always looked like” when I look in the mirror.  Guess what…I DIDN’T.

We took the picture on the left in May 2013, the one on the right this month-Dec 2013.

Looking at old pictures I’m actually shocked at how fat and unhealthy I was.  I am doing so much better now, so much.  

+ My high-blood pressure is under control with the help of one medicine, not three.   

+My sleep-apnea has become more manageable (I even fell asleep the other day without my mask on…and did not gasp).  

+I am able to walk for as long as I need to.

+My husband and I have begun hiking again, and not just the really easy ones.  

At Mary's Rock Summit in the Shenandoah National Park

+We have been riding bikes in a few local-ish places, trails near the quarry in town, and in the battlefields.  In fact, we went on a ride Christmas day and decided that was a new tradition for our little family!  (my husband & I)

Me riding (and almost running my husband over as he took the picture) on Christmas day 2013

+++We are having more healthy fun than we have had in years…all because I am ABLE to participate again.+++

Make sure you check out My Progress in Pictures page, I've put a few more shots up.

Post-op 3 months +1day

I can hardly believe it has been 3 months. This is a good thing!

So far---
+I have lost 61 pounds since surgery.
+I have lost 87 pounds total since January.
+Today I bought jeans 4 sizes smaller than last time I bought any.
+My husband surprised me with a fancy new mountain bike to celebrate, and we have been going on big rides each weekend together, we have been hitting trails and doing between 6 and 16 miles.
+Everything is more comfortable, my knees, my back, my feet, sleeping, walking, riding, everything!
+I continue to measure and weigh everything which is really helpful, because the few times I haven't I've had...lets say bad experiences, about 3 times.
+yaaay!

OH!  I have been so excited about all of this I completely forgot I set some goals and rewards for myself!   Too funny!  The only reward I need is seeing those pants get too big!
Okay, okay, I'll skip the massage but get sneakers and a new purse...you talked me into it, twisted my arm!

Here is a picture from about 10 days ago.

Post Surgery Days 4 thru Today

19 July
Post-op Day 4

I get to go home!

That's all there really is to it, after figuring out how to get into my abdominal binder, put a dress on, a little mascara and sunglasses-- I was out the door.

I walked around a bit with my husband but the meds made me suuuuper sleepy, so I slept a lot today.


20 July-today

Everything has been going pretty well, I have some good days, and some not so great days.  I have only had 2 bad days and most of that is due to the incision and dealing with that, not the actual surgery.

Let me just say--MY HUSBAND IS A TROOPER.  Like- really amazing... but I knew that already!  He has done everything for me, lifting, cleaning, nursing, supporting, and just being plain awesome.

Okay.
Enough of these booooooring post-op surgery posts, time for some UPDATES!!

Energy: Feels pretty normal again, still no lifting anything heavier than a 1/2 gallon of milk, bending is really hard, and still pain around my healing wound, but no real pain at any ofthe incision sites, except for the instrument entrance site, that one is sore.

Weight Loss:  I am weighing in on Mondays because my surgery was a Monday.  As of two days ago, 5 August 2013 I have lost 26 pounds.  THAT'S APPROXIMATELY A POUND A DAY.  Whaaaaaaaat?  That is fantastic in my book, especially because all I can really do right now is walk for exercise.

Feeling:  Excited about my progress, feeling good about my future success (although I still sometimes think I'm gonna screw this up).

Post- Op Day 3

18 July
Post-op Day 3

Again, the pain this morning was awful, so bad that I really didn't sleep even with the drugs I was taking.  Most of the night I sat sitting on the edge of the bed hunched over the rolling table in the room with my amazing nurse Amelia and sister rubbing my back, trying to help make me comfortable.  

In the morning my surgeon came, checked my sites, and the area that was hurting so much.  He was concerned about it this morning.  Thinking there was an infection he immediately had the room prepped for a bedside procedure to check for infection and release fluid and pressure.  About an hour later the procedure began.

I was so nervous, tense, and anxious.  I was reassured it would not hurt.  My on-Q pump was numbing the surface of my abdomen, and a lidocaine shot was used for deeper tissue.  I put my eye mask on, and told the doctor and my mother to NOT tell me what was happening.  I felt nothing.  He had made about a 4 inch deep incision...yuck.  It bled a lot even though it was packed with gauze, but no pain.

About 20 minutes after the procedure my debilitating pain was gone.  I was up and around much easier, moving was comfortable, and I felt so much better.  The pressure below the bruis was a build up of blood and fluid, but there was no infection.  YAY!

This meant I had to stay in the hospital one more night.  Augh.  I wanted to go home, I missed my bed, I MISSED MY PUPPIES, I missed snuggling with my honey at home!

I started to have thoughts like--
what if this doesn't work...
what if I fail...
what if I can't do this...
what if everything was for nothing...

I had to get out of my own head, I walked and walked and walked.  I walked till I couldn't handle one more step. in fact I went so far that my lo-jack (whatever the thing that was attached to all the monitors on my chest set an alarm off on my nurse's phone...and people were looking for me.  Oooops.)

I walked until I felt better, calmer, and more centered.

This was strange day.

Post Surgery Day 1

16 July
Post-op Day 1

Waking up after a pretty restful night (thank you drugs) even though I took a few late night strolls was nice.  Having my mom there was even nicer.  Growing up I was a pretty crappy kid (and still am a jerky adult to my mom sometimes).  I can't remember being more grateful for my mom than I am right now, having her with me through this.  She has been totally supportive and really helped me like crazy at the hospital.

The day went pretty well, I was sore, but really pretty good.  I had the best. nurse. ever. during each day I was there.  Richard was my day nurse.  There is no better nurse out there.  He was kind, accommodating (even when I was difficult), on top of EVERYTHING, and never, not even once left me hanging.

My surgeon visited twice that day to check up on me.  The first time I was sleeping so he chatted with my mom.  The second time he dropped the bomb on me.  The reason I had felt like it was late getting to the PACU was because...it was.  There had been a complication.  He had made a mistake.  A pretty significant one apparently- according to him.  He explained the problem, but also explained how he has caught it.  I was thankful he saw the mistake before there was a REAL problem.  He fixed everything carefully and thoroughly.

I was upset.  I cried.  I was angry.  I was confused.  This was one of the best surgeons out there, he studied under the best, learned from a pioneer in the bariatric surgery community of doctors, he has completed hundreds of surgeries and has an amazing track record of successful surgeries, he is a partner at the premiere bariatric office in hundreds of miles.

I was confident that everything was fine after the surgery, even after hearing this news, and thankfully I have had no complications due to this.

I walked, I rested, I dozed off taking to my parents and sister.  NOT because they were boring, but the drugs I was on really made me drowsy.

Pretty easy day.